Achilles Heel

My sweet friend asked me today….”What is your Achilles heel?”
Wikipedia says
“An Achilles’ heel is a deadly weakness in spite of overall
strength that can actually or potentially lead to downfall.”
She said, “You need to know your Achilles heels so you can bring them before Jesus recognize them and place them before him when they appear. There is nothing new under the sun—Satan is going to keep going after you in the same ways. Recognize them for what they are and let Jesus speak to them.”
What is your Achilles heel?
What keeps going through your mind again and again that cause you to feel unfit for ministry? What keeps going around and around in your head that make you feel like a failure at being a wife and mother? What keeps going through your mind again and again that makes you feel like you’re not a good friend?
My friend is very special to me because she’s not an old friend. No, she’s not one of these that have been around for years and years and no she probably isn’t going to be one that will be sticking around for years. God has brought her into my life for a season. What I most appreciate about my friend is that she has some of the same spiritual gifts that I have. She is also a truth seeker and truth speaker….like I tend to be. She’s older than me. And she pursues God with every fiber in her being. What a treasure this friend is to me.
Could it be living something other than moment by moment repentance? (yes, and that’s a quote from another friend!) :> “Conviction calls us to Repentance, Not shame.” How do I avoid living a cross less life? …….Moment by moment repentance and taking a good look at my Achilles heel(s). Repenting and resting in Christ’s work as I confess my sin daily and ask for his forgiveness and grace. As I do this, receiving a Godly self-forgetfulness and looking at Christ—not my sin. As this happens I receive new energy, joy, gratitude, hope, perseverance and purpose.
Sometimes I like to just kind of ignore my weak spots, my places of weakness and just kind of pretend they are not there. Or maybe confess them but that often turns into a type of ruminating of them that leads me to shame and despondency instead of conviction and repentance. They usually are not new weaknesses. They are the old ones rearing their ugly heads again and again.
I am having opportunities to live joyfully through my Achilles heel. Will I continue my quest for joy and thankfulness during the midst of it? I am thinking more on this topic and will write more later.
In the mean time….prayers are being answered. Patti recently wrote:
“My friend said that her maid wants to open up a bakery
and she really wants to teach women. The maid is a strong believer,
an incredible cook and also wants to disciple women???
My friend had no idea at the time why I was asking about her maid.
So now, we have a lead on a national partner! God is good.”
This was the day after we asked you to pray for a national partner. We have other M women here who want to be a part. Continue to pray for wisdom and direction. Pray for my partners who are meeting with another expat this week to get more info. Patti and Ann are also going back to visit the girls this week. I won’t be able to join this them week. But, God knows his agenda for me. I am hoping and praying to be back with them next week.
Blessings!

This is what Ann wrote about today:
“Long story short ... Our small team planned to distribute gift bags to the entire bar girls in our city (over a period of time). But we had no budget to do so. Last night on our walk I told Joe, "I'm just going to be George Mueller and trust that if God wants us to give gift bags, then he'll provide the funds." This morning I woke up early and prayed again that God would provide the fund if this is something he wants us to pursue. Just before lunch, Joe walked over to my office with the news. We received a very substantial financial gift from a donor we've never met to address child exploitation in Thailand. Yes! God is still moving and working.”
Yes, I have numbly been moving forward in this. There are three of us and we laugh because two of us are introverts. The other one accused us of wanting to sit in the car while she delivered the bags. And, I will admit, at first I was tempted….but when I actually spoke to the girls, gave them the bags and told them that God loves them I didn’t want to go back to the car. I just wanted to sit down with them and talk.
Yesterday, we attended a seminar led by someone nearby who is involved in this type of work. (not this country) Afterwards, I was a bit overwhelmed and said, “God make it clear to us if you want to move forward.” Today, we found out about the gift given for this ministry. We have many requests but here are a few:
-Wisdom in how to move forward from here
-partners from this culture who want to work with us
-The right information we need to know so we can put together a strategy to reach these girls
Next week we meet with a lady who has been involved in this ministry in a different city. Thanks for praying!

Am I A Dweller?

First posted on Friday, June 23, 2006



Am I a Dweller?
Eph 3:14-19

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Dwell….(katoikea from kato-down and oikeo-to dwell…has the idea of settling down or dwelling inside.)

How many times have I said to my husband, “I want to settle…I don’t like this endless roaming around….I NEED to settle…” ;> He cringes when he hears me say it. Then you can imagine how this makes me feel…. Guilt…I’m not trusting enough…. Or Anger…he’s expecting too much (God is too!) However, it’s not me that needs to settle. It’s God who needs to “settle down inside me,” so that I may comprehend (katalambano-mentally laying hold of God’s love—a full understanding of it)

“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. “ This love is the foundation of all we do….as he dwells, we become rooted and grounded in love….as we know this love…we are filled to the measure of all the fullness of God…or another translation says, “then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”

How I long to be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

So, it’s Christ that does the dwelling. However….

1 John 4:15-16
15 If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives (dwells) in him and he in God. 16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

Ps 90:1
Lord, you have been our dwelling place
throughout all generations.

Our refuge…our fortress…our settling down place.

In the Old Testament when it talks about the time of peace under King Solomon, “ During Solomon's lifetime Judah and Israel, from Dan to Beersheba, lived in safety,(dwelt) each man under his own vine and fig tree.” (I Kings 4:25) The phrase “under his own vine and fig tree,” expresses a time of quiet and security (Barnes). They were at peace….not under any apprehension or danger from enemies. They were happy…”safe and willing to think themselves so…” Able to dwell safely under the shadow of the vines by the sides of their house.

Wonder how long it took a vine to grow up by the side of their house??? (for more info re vines go to http://www.clemson.edu/extension/hgic/plants/landscape/groundcovers/hgic1101.html)

Not only were they safe but they were “willing to think themselves so.” This is the dwelling I long for.

Recently I was at a bible study and one of the ladies was sharing about being sooo homesick. The ironic thing about it is that she is Thai and had been with her parents the previous week. And then she said…” I realized I was homesick but it wasn’t my earthly home that I was homesick for, but my heavenly home.”

So many times I feel homesick….yearning for my heavenly home…in my dwelling….with vines growing up along the side of the house that I planted.

MY Soul Talking

First published Saturday, April 09, 2005

My Soul Talking....
I found out today that a friend has returned to the States. This is a lady that I have not known for a long time but I instantly bonded with. I knew that she had gone back before because of suffering depression here. We had not known one another long enough to talk about that. I had shared with her some of my struggles. She could relate and had shared a book with me about fear and depression. It seems our hubbies ran into each other in the BKK airport yesterday and spent hours talking. It was probably good for K to talk with someone else whose wife struggles. Deep struggles....intense struggle.... Wanting to return to the States type of struggles. I have mixed feelings about how much I should write about this here. I want to live an honest and open life before others and that is fine when there is not so much struggle. It has been a little better lately. Maybe because I'm so busy I don't have time to think about it. But the down days still come with a vengance.

Larry Crabb says, "I've always been suspicious of talk about joy. Most of it seems to encourage denial. We pretend we're not hurting. And most of what we call joy depends on blessings. Get it right and life will work. Then you can be full of joy and praise God for his goodness." Then he goes on to say that this is religion that leads to pride and despair....not the brokenness that comes with true revival of the heart. "Religion keeps the power of God merely trickling through our lives, like water through a twisted hose. Only brokenness straightens out the kinks.Then revival comes. Living water gushes. Passion flows. What is most alive within us, a passionate desire for God himself, comes pouring out. As Habakkuk waited for the Lord in touch times, he saw how he had not yet abandoned himself to God's vision."

What would it mean to abandon myself to God's vision? I like what Habakkuk 2: 1 says, "I will climb up into my watchtower now and wait to see what the Lord will say to me and how he will answer my complaint." I am so full of complaining. My spirit is complaining.....

"Brokenness precedes revival.... but what precedes brokeness? .....unmanageable vision....When we see a vision that we simply cannot achieve we are humbled. but when we aim so high we are forced to face how inadequate our adequacies are, we fall flat on the ground and realize our need for spiritual power....and we admit we don't have it....even though others may observe us thriving ....there's no power coming out of us that stirs someone's appetite for God."

I am inadequate. Inadequate to live this life. I should be teaching others...able to show them God's power. My "little" sins get in the way of spiritual power flowing through me toward spiritual vision. The sin of wanting MY way, my comforts, not wanting to take the time or the effort it would take to learn the language and get into the culture. Just wanting to operate in "my" world. Not wanting to be embarrassed because I don't understand how I offended without meaning to. Wanting to just hole up in my house on my couch...dreaming that I was somewhere surrounded by family and friends.

I am inadequate.

Dear God, I need you to change my heart and fill me with your adequacies. My sinful heart doesn't want to change. I don't want to put the effort into it. Hosea 7: 13-14 says, "How terrible it will be for my people who have deserted me...I want to redeem them but they have only spoken lies about me...my complaining....They do not cry out to me with sincere hearts, instead they sit on their couches and wail..." Have mercy on me, O God and fill me with your adequacies! Bring me Revival!

posted by vcitywife @ 2:07 PM

Where did the time go?

Malee has been accepted back at GIS for her junior yr. (next yr) Where has all the time gone? It is amazing to me that two yrs ago we decided to take her out. We are so encouraged by the independence and motivation we have seen in her this past yr. She has matured and finally taken an interest in her school work. True healing has occurred in her heart and in her body. I enjoy hanging out with her so much. I will really miss her when she goes back full time.

My girls are back in the same room. We didn't like the distance that was coming between them and had such fond memories of the best friend days when they shared a room together. We decided they each had character issues that would benefit from sharing a room again so we put them back together. It will also help tremendously with our electric bill in the hot season. Difficulty is the room is small and there wasn't much to be done about the close quarters. How did we make it their room and not just Malia's without spending a bucket of money? We prayed and asked for wisdom and unexpectedly we found 2 loft beds (used) for a very good price a few days ago. I still questioned and wondered if this was a good plan but decided to go ahead and get them and we could always resale them if they did not work out. The interesting thing is that when we first moved back to CM I wanted to purchase this type of loft bed--no frills, basic Index type furniture--but could not find this basic model anywhere. We purchased HUGE ones that did not fit in the small bedrooms we have and ended up getting rid of them. Now---5 yrs later we end up with exactly what I wanted in the first place. Is this as case of not waiting on God? I'll try to post a picture when we get them set up. We will need to figure out how to make them semi-matching bed covers and what to do about the dark purplish curtains that Savy doesn't really like.

Trying to start a new ministry with some friends here focused on red light district girls. Wondering how God will continue to lead and direct us when the three of us have limited time to put into this and very little language. Pray for wisdom to know which steps to take and how to move forward. I'm also substitute teaching in health class this week. We will be talking about pregnancy and issues involved with this.

I have lost almost thirty pounds in the last 6 months. I intentionally dieted and now am faced with needed to change my diet on a permanent basis. There are some food in-tolerances I'm dealing with. I need wisdom and discipline to discern how to move forward from here and what foods to eliminate. I know that milk products give me a problem but now I'm wondering about bread. I don't think it's gluten because I seem to do ok with other foods that have gluten in them--it just seems to be the bread issue that I have the harder time with. I would like to lose more pounds but don't want to strictly diet again. After all, rounder middle aged women look younger, right? :>

My boys are growing and changing. I have one very much man/child. It is so much fun watching this process. The other little one still has a ways to go but I am so thankful that he is still boyish. I'm thinking he doesn't quite believe that his time will come. His feet are bigger than mine. I keep telling him he will be bigger than me. Both of them are enjoying sports and enjoying friends. Enjoying school? Now that would be another issue. The younger one said to me, "Mom, Asian parents actually like for their kids to do better in school than in sports." Ha. What have I communicated to this child? Hopefully, I have communicated to him that I LOVE who God has created him to be and I LOVE that he enjoys sports so much and I am OK with who he is academically. We've been discussing who makes the best grown ups--good sportsmen or good academia's and we've concluded there are wise men who are in both categories.

I don't pretend to have a clue about what actually is happening here politically. I used to think there were two main parties. Now I read all about the red shirts not wearing red, the multi colored shirts, the black shirts, the blue shirts, etc. and I am profoundly confused. I do know that for the most part this is a peaceful society so this unrest is rocking worlds. I do know that the way Americans understand democracy is not the way it works here and there has been more and more dissatisfaction with this. I do not know much about Thaksin--I thought he was good and welcomed by the people but I guess that is because I have lived in the north. I had no idea there was another side to the issue. Yes, I knew he was an Asian businessman and ran the govt very much like an Asian businessman would. Isn't that pretty typical?
Now there is so much uncertainty and since I am from a diff culture, I can't predict what will happen. IF we were in America, I would have a better idea...afterall, it is a high value in American culture to exert independence and stand up for rights and ideals but in this culture, I don't think that has been valued. There are other values that are more important....

Wow....where did this semester go? One more week and the kids will be off for Christmas break. We are getting into the holiday's here. We've decorated, done some baking and have more to do.

I guess the most eventful unusual thing that happened this fall was that Latte had puppies! She had 4 boy puppies and this week they have all gone to their new homes. It has been much more delightful than we expected and not that much of a bother, although it was time for them to go to their new homes. We will not forget, Sprite, Pico, ScampJack, or Princeton Sarsi. May they bring lots of blessing and joy to their new families!

Homeschooling has had it's up and it's downs. All in all, it's been a good move for our family. I think it has been good for Malia and enabled her to have some success in her school work. She still hates school and I'm not sure what we can do about that. I have grown in my understanding of how to not push too much but not push too little either.

The other kids have had good semesters at school. The boys rec league basketball team was once again undefeated. The tournament is next week and they are all out to get us. Savannah is in basketball try outs currently. Malia is in Chonson, chapel team and she has a good part in Smike (the spring musical).

I have dealt alot with home sickness this past yr. I think it doesn't help knowing that it will be a while before we ago to the U.S. again for any extended time.

I guess that's enough for now.

Week Recap

Two weeks down.....How many to go? :> We made it through week two. Malia is settling into a routine and so are the others. It takes a couple of weeks to get hers established since at school, she rotates each week the days she goes to choir. One week she will go M, W, F, and the next week she will go T, Th. She also goes for NILD, Choir, Chapel team, Chapel and swimming. Now, she is on the Chapel retreat. We've been praying for her alot--since there are very few 9th graders on the chapel team she feels like she's heading into a group of high schoolers with little support. I'm praying that God will use the time in her life to help her build relationships and gain confidence in relating to high schoolers! For some reason the kids at Grace seem to be very grade oriented and usually prefer relating to only those in their grade. This is very different than our normal family culture (probably due to homeschooling).
The boys seem to be enjoying school--Sage always enjoys it--and on Monday this past week I asked Noah, "how was school," and before thinking, he said with lots of energy and enthusiasm...."GREAT!" He realized what he said after he said it and tried to backtrack a little but I think he is enjoying 6th grade so far. Another thing the boys are really enjoying is playing "Spy, Stealth" like games. There is a dorm near us that was framed up and abandoned due to lack of funds, and they have found it extremely entertaining to play in this huge mansion, esp. in the dark. I know, I know, we mothers shudder and think "should they be doing this?" But we have allowed the dad's to examine it and make the choice on whether or not it is ok for them to do this and they seem to be much more lenient than we are! They have made weapons and equipment out of Pvc pipe and other such equipment an I have to say, Noah, esp. has really gotten into this and likes to play outside everyday if we let him. Sage usually wants to play outside every day, but the activity must be very entertaining to hold Noah's interest for this long. Sage made the futsal team this week--for those of you who don't know....futsal is like soccer, but you play it on a basketball court instead. The ball is a little different and the rules a little different but it is similar to soccer. Sage will start Rec league soccer next week (a parent led league). Noah decided he wants to focus on swimming and basketball this yr.
Savy is doing well--she focused on two speeches this week. One was on teddy bears and the other was in science. (I'm not sure of that topic she didn't spend as much time on it. The only friend she has that is in all of her classes (except one) is a young man in our house church. In the past they have "acted" like they weren't friends at school, but this year, they have come out of the closet, so to speak and are talking to each other in class. She also seems to be working really hard at reaching out to more girls around her than her little five friend "clique" and we are proud of her for that. Again, it's not always easy to do this in the Grace environment--which tends to be a closed environment in which newcomers sometimes have a hard time breaking into.
We've had a couple of meetings the last few weeks with the adults in our house church trying to figure out the format of hc for this yr. There seems to be a bit of a difference for some regarding children/teens and the parenting philosophy about whether or not we should provide a place safe for their same age peers--because after all, they need to be with their peers, or an all age, family type atmosphere, expecting them all to relate to each other and not being that concerned with the same aged peers. It is a difference in parenting philosophy and personally, I believe, children take their cues from the adults around them. If the adults around them are constantly concerned about them having to have same aged peers, then the children feel like they have to have them. If the parents are more like, "we include everyone and we're going to all play together," then the children seem to be ok with that. Some say that as the teens get older, they want to be with their same age peers more. I don't have older teens (my oldest is 15) but I think it goes back to the same thing....what the parents emphasize. I understand seniors wanting to be with other seniors--there are significant events they are all going through but at the same time, I'm not much for leaving others out, no matter what the ages. I'm guessing I may be in the minority regarding that. In adulthood, you tend to have friends in all age groups. Well, as you can tell, I've been thinking about this matter alot this week. If you think of us, please pray for our house church....that we will come to an agreement that all will be satisfied with. Pray for me, specifically, that I will be kind, loving and not forceful in my opinions. God is showing me in many ways that there is freedom in many circumstances where we tend to criticize and judge others too rapidly.

Sad day....

It's a really sad time for our school community here. Many of you do not know but we have been involved in a lawsuit for the past yrs and we have lost the law suit. The put it succinctly, we have been targeted by someone here who doesn't like us and has decided he wants us to leave. Unfortunately, he has high connections and in a turn of events that are too difficult to comprehend, we lost the law suit. We are appealing but unless God does a miracle, we not only have to lose our property but we will have to pay to have the building restored to it's original condition (impossible, some of it was in shambles) and pay back rent to the person who has brought the suit. Not to mention, buy property elsewhere and build a new school. Makes you wonder what God is thinking about all this. Through it we have determined to do our best to love, show kindness and mercy to those around us. May God use this for his glory.

Blessings and Joy!

New School year

Well, it's been a long time. We are fine here. Going into the 09-10 school yr. Everyone seems happy after the first week of school. Our big change is that Malia is homeschooling this yr. After much prayer, seeking and counsel we felt G leading us this direction. We made the decision mid July and then quickly found the materials needed. Homeschooling a teen is definitely different than hsing a 5th grader! So far, so good....I love it! I like challenges and trying to to make things "fit" the learner. Savy has Mr. Cole for her main core teacher (although he is in the U.S. and won't be here until Jan). S. Hackett is filling in. Sage has Ms. Oswalt for his homeroom teacher and Noah has Ms. Gaskell.
The picture I have posted is from a M trip we took a few weeks ago through the Eastern part of where we live. We had a great time with friends here and a team from the states. Probably around 500 or so heard the good news. Pray for those who heard and were interested.
Well, when trying to download the pic, I got a very interesting notice that said the website I was trying to upload had been closed by Thai police. Wonder if that means I can't upload any more pics onto blogger? Wow!

One week down and less than a week to go. It's been a good week. We will be ready for K to return. Or rather, we were ready yesterday....smile....but we will be patient and have good attitudes this week while we wait.

Latte continues to bring us much joy. She is a mess. Sometimes she gets all riled up and wants to stay riled up. We have to put her in the basket to make her calm down. She's doing ok at night. Getting up in the middle of the night isn't as bad as I expected. I guess I'm just thankful she is letting me know she has to go to the bathroom and she is going quickly. I don't know how we will rearrange things when K returns.

The highlight of the week was a couple of things that happened in Savy's life. First, she made the JV basketball team. There were 12 girls who made it. Savannah had mixed emotions about trying out since she is older than most of her friends and they are on the younger team. She has increased greatly in her skill this yr. We will see if she is basketball'd out at the end of the season after spending 4 afternoons a week practicing. Pray for her.

Also, she went with some parents and other classmates down to the night market to do evangelism with folks that come there. She said, "I've been made to do this." She really enjoyed her time and looks forward to going every week. When she was a baby my prayer for her was that she would help many folks come into the kingdom. I am thankful that she has opportunities like this.

TGIF! I am glad to have the school week come to an end and a weekend with family. K leaves for his trip on Sunday so we will make the most of these two days we have with him before he leaves.

Yesterday was an exciting day as we found out that both boys made the U-11 basketball team. They were excited and relieved. They have worked hard to get to this place. I look forward to seeing how the season goes. Savvy tries out for JV basketball on Tues/Thursday this week. She is nervous about trying out. She is still having some difficulty with her knee but the Dr. thinks it is scar tissue damage and needs to be strengthened. She does much better when she wears her knee bandage esp. when playing basketball.

This past week was spirit week at school. The girls wore different outfits daily to show their school spirit. The boys on Wed/Fri. Just to give an example of how different the girls are: On Thursday it was group day. They dressed up with a group of friends a certain way. Malia's group was rock stars so she left the house in black and with black eyeliner around her eyes. Savy's group was waitresses. She wore a skirt with an apron. Sage's group was break dancers and Noah's group was soccer players.

Kel, Noah and Savy are fighting off colds. Pray that they feel better quickly, esp. for K who travels on Sunday.

Blessings!

Brisinger

Kelly is finally reading to the children the long awaited sequel to Earagon and Eldest. The children have been waiting a long time. Sage is still a bit lost but he is trying to keep up.

Savy, Sage, Noah and Kelly practiced basketball after supper. The boys will have U-11 tryouts on Wed. I hope Noah makes the team. He will be disappointed if he does not.

We had a huge supper. I made chicken Parmesan, potatoe salad, green salad and broccoli. Sage was excited about the croutons. I let him eat the whole bag. We have only recently been able to buy them here. A very small pkg. I didn't realize he likes them so much.

Latte was acting spastic today. I hope it is not a vision of things to come. She acts a bit like she has something that is bothering her on her back hind leg. The vet said she is fine. She is showing puppy agression and I am trying to get everyone to agree to a specific way of dealing with it. She also seems to be getting fat. I am feeding her 4 times a day like the vet told me to. I've been up with her since 5:30. I am tired.

The rest of the day I spent organizing my bedroom, running errands and meeting a friend for tea. Nothing really exciting.

I've decided to include a picture of the girls with Kelly's mom. The picture was taken at the Z reunion back in July.

Latte and life

Latte is our new puppy. She is a toy poodle and we are blessed to have her.

The kids have been on fall break but will return to school tomorrow. We have enjoyed being together as a family.

K leaves next Sunday for a trip to the U.S. He will be gone almost 2 wks. Pray for us during his absence!

Back In CM

We are back in Thailand and I am finally updating my blog. Sorry for the long period of silence. I have a new computer which should make it easier to get online.

The flight back was great. We flew Korean straight from Dallas to Seoul and had our own individual TV screens so the 14 hours flew by. We had a 5 hr layover in Seoul where we watched the Olympics and enjoyed hearing the Korean spirit. Then we had a 4 hour flight to CM. We arrived late at night and made it to bed around 2am. Then we all slept until around 8am the next morning. Thankfully we had one day before the children went to school. They didn't know how they were going to make it at school with jetlag but they did just fine and we are all back on the same local time schedule now.

Savy, Noah and Sage had their first rec league basketball game today and they won by one point. It was an exciting game. Savy scored 8 points, Noah scored 4 and Sage didn't score any but it's not because of lack of trying. (he's the smallest guy on the team--they have mixed ages) It was fun to have them all on the same team.

Everyone seems to be enjoying school and their classes. Malia gave a speech on Friday in Core class and the teacher told her she is a natural and should be on TV. You can imagine how encouraging this was for her. We are thrilled about the progress that Sage has made from last yr to this yr. We can see improvements in his memory and his ability to sound out and spell words.

I will send prayer requests soon, but I just wanted you to know we made it back and are settling in. Next week I'll try to take pics at the basketball game.

Blessings!