Achilles Heel

My sweet friend asked me today….”What is your Achilles heel?”
Wikipedia says
“An Achilles’ heel is a deadly weakness in spite of overall
strength that can actually or potentially lead to downfall.”
She said, “You need to know your Achilles heels so you can bring them before Jesus recognize them and place them before him when they appear. There is nothing new under the sun—Satan is going to keep going after you in the same ways. Recognize them for what they are and let Jesus speak to them.”
What is your Achilles heel?
What keeps going through your mind again and again that cause you to feel unfit for ministry? What keeps going around and around in your head that make you feel like a failure at being a wife and mother? What keeps going through your mind again and again that makes you feel like you’re not a good friend?
My friend is very special to me because she’s not an old friend. No, she’s not one of these that have been around for years and years and no she probably isn’t going to be one that will be sticking around for years. God has brought her into my life for a season. What I most appreciate about my friend is that she has some of the same spiritual gifts that I have. She is also a truth seeker and truth speaker….like I tend to be. She’s older than me. And she pursues God with every fiber in her being. What a treasure this friend is to me.
Could it be living something other than moment by moment repentance? (yes, and that’s a quote from another friend!) :> “Conviction calls us to Repentance, Not shame.” How do I avoid living a cross less life? …….Moment by moment repentance and taking a good look at my Achilles heel(s). Repenting and resting in Christ’s work as I confess my sin daily and ask for his forgiveness and grace. As I do this, receiving a Godly self-forgetfulness and looking at Christ—not my sin. As this happens I receive new energy, joy, gratitude, hope, perseverance and purpose.
Sometimes I like to just kind of ignore my weak spots, my places of weakness and just kind of pretend they are not there. Or maybe confess them but that often turns into a type of ruminating of them that leads me to shame and despondency instead of conviction and repentance. They usually are not new weaknesses. They are the old ones rearing their ugly heads again and again.
I am having opportunities to live joyfully through my Achilles heel. Will I continue my quest for joy and thankfulness during the midst of it? I am thinking more on this topic and will write more later.
In the mean time….prayers are being answered. Patti recently wrote:
“My friend said that her maid wants to open up a bakery
and she really wants to teach women. The maid is a strong believer,
an incredible cook and also wants to disciple women???
My friend had no idea at the time why I was asking about her maid.
So now, we have a lead on a national partner! God is good.”
This was the day after we asked you to pray for a national partner. We have other M women here who want to be a part. Continue to pray for wisdom and direction. Pray for my partners who are meeting with another expat this week to get more info. Patti and Ann are also going back to visit the girls this week. I won’t be able to join this them week. But, God knows his agenda for me. I am hoping and praying to be back with them next week.
Blessings!

This is what Ann wrote about today:
“Long story short ... Our small team planned to distribute gift bags to the entire bar girls in our city (over a period of time). But we had no budget to do so. Last night on our walk I told Joe, "I'm just going to be George Mueller and trust that if God wants us to give gift bags, then he'll provide the funds." This morning I woke up early and prayed again that God would provide the fund if this is something he wants us to pursue. Just before lunch, Joe walked over to my office with the news. We received a very substantial financial gift from a donor we've never met to address child exploitation in Thailand. Yes! God is still moving and working.”
Yes, I have numbly been moving forward in this. There are three of us and we laugh because two of us are introverts. The other one accused us of wanting to sit in the car while she delivered the bags. And, I will admit, at first I was tempted….but when I actually spoke to the girls, gave them the bags and told them that God loves them I didn’t want to go back to the car. I just wanted to sit down with them and talk.
Yesterday, we attended a seminar led by someone nearby who is involved in this type of work. (not this country) Afterwards, I was a bit overwhelmed and said, “God make it clear to us if you want to move forward.” Today, we found out about the gift given for this ministry. We have many requests but here are a few:
-Wisdom in how to move forward from here
-partners from this culture who want to work with us
-The right information we need to know so we can put together a strategy to reach these girls
Next week we meet with a lady who has been involved in this ministry in a different city. Thanks for praying!

Am I A Dweller?

First posted on Friday, June 23, 2006



Am I a Dweller?
Eph 3:14-19

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Dwell….(katoikea from kato-down and oikeo-to dwell…has the idea of settling down or dwelling inside.)

How many times have I said to my husband, “I want to settle…I don’t like this endless roaming around….I NEED to settle…” ;> He cringes when he hears me say it. Then you can imagine how this makes me feel…. Guilt…I’m not trusting enough…. Or Anger…he’s expecting too much (God is too!) However, it’s not me that needs to settle. It’s God who needs to “settle down inside me,” so that I may comprehend (katalambano-mentally laying hold of God’s love—a full understanding of it)

“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. “ This love is the foundation of all we do….as he dwells, we become rooted and grounded in love….as we know this love…we are filled to the measure of all the fullness of God…or another translation says, “then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”

How I long to be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

So, it’s Christ that does the dwelling. However….

1 John 4:15-16
15 If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives (dwells) in him and he in God. 16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

Ps 90:1
Lord, you have been our dwelling place
throughout all generations.

Our refuge…our fortress…our settling down place.

In the Old Testament when it talks about the time of peace under King Solomon, “ During Solomon's lifetime Judah and Israel, from Dan to Beersheba, lived in safety,(dwelt) each man under his own vine and fig tree.” (I Kings 4:25) The phrase “under his own vine and fig tree,” expresses a time of quiet and security (Barnes). They were at peace….not under any apprehension or danger from enemies. They were happy…”safe and willing to think themselves so…” Able to dwell safely under the shadow of the vines by the sides of their house.

Wonder how long it took a vine to grow up by the side of their house??? (for more info re vines go to http://www.clemson.edu/extension/hgic/plants/landscape/groundcovers/hgic1101.html)

Not only were they safe but they were “willing to think themselves so.” This is the dwelling I long for.

Recently I was at a bible study and one of the ladies was sharing about being sooo homesick. The ironic thing about it is that she is Thai and had been with her parents the previous week. And then she said…” I realized I was homesick but it wasn’t my earthly home that I was homesick for, but my heavenly home.”

So many times I feel homesick….yearning for my heavenly home…in my dwelling….with vines growing up along the side of the house that I planted.

MY Soul Talking

First published Saturday, April 09, 2005

My Soul Talking....
I found out today that a friend has returned to the States. This is a lady that I have not known for a long time but I instantly bonded with. I knew that she had gone back before because of suffering depression here. We had not known one another long enough to talk about that. I had shared with her some of my struggles. She could relate and had shared a book with me about fear and depression. It seems our hubbies ran into each other in the BKK airport yesterday and spent hours talking. It was probably good for K to talk with someone else whose wife struggles. Deep struggles....intense struggle.... Wanting to return to the States type of struggles. I have mixed feelings about how much I should write about this here. I want to live an honest and open life before others and that is fine when there is not so much struggle. It has been a little better lately. Maybe because I'm so busy I don't have time to think about it. But the down days still come with a vengance.

Larry Crabb says, "I've always been suspicious of talk about joy. Most of it seems to encourage denial. We pretend we're not hurting. And most of what we call joy depends on blessings. Get it right and life will work. Then you can be full of joy and praise God for his goodness." Then he goes on to say that this is religion that leads to pride and despair....not the brokenness that comes with true revival of the heart. "Religion keeps the power of God merely trickling through our lives, like water through a twisted hose. Only brokenness straightens out the kinks.Then revival comes. Living water gushes. Passion flows. What is most alive within us, a passionate desire for God himself, comes pouring out. As Habakkuk waited for the Lord in touch times, he saw how he had not yet abandoned himself to God's vision."

What would it mean to abandon myself to God's vision? I like what Habakkuk 2: 1 says, "I will climb up into my watchtower now and wait to see what the Lord will say to me and how he will answer my complaint." I am so full of complaining. My spirit is complaining.....

"Brokenness precedes revival.... but what precedes brokeness? .....unmanageable vision....When we see a vision that we simply cannot achieve we are humbled. but when we aim so high we are forced to face how inadequate our adequacies are, we fall flat on the ground and realize our need for spiritual power....and we admit we don't have it....even though others may observe us thriving ....there's no power coming out of us that stirs someone's appetite for God."

I am inadequate. Inadequate to live this life. I should be teaching others...able to show them God's power. My "little" sins get in the way of spiritual power flowing through me toward spiritual vision. The sin of wanting MY way, my comforts, not wanting to take the time or the effort it would take to learn the language and get into the culture. Just wanting to operate in "my" world. Not wanting to be embarrassed because I don't understand how I offended without meaning to. Wanting to just hole up in my house on my couch...dreaming that I was somewhere surrounded by family and friends.

I am inadequate.

Dear God, I need you to change my heart and fill me with your adequacies. My sinful heart doesn't want to change. I don't want to put the effort into it. Hosea 7: 13-14 says, "How terrible it will be for my people who have deserted me...I want to redeem them but they have only spoken lies about me...my complaining....They do not cry out to me with sincere hearts, instead they sit on their couches and wail..." Have mercy on me, O God and fill me with your adequacies! Bring me Revival!

posted by vcitywife @ 2:07 PM

Where did the time go?

Malee has been accepted back at GIS for her junior yr. (next yr) Where has all the time gone? It is amazing to me that two yrs ago we decided to take her out. We are so encouraged by the independence and motivation we have seen in her this past yr. She has matured and finally taken an interest in her school work. True healing has occurred in her heart and in her body. I enjoy hanging out with her so much. I will really miss her when she goes back full time.

My girls are back in the same room. We didn't like the distance that was coming between them and had such fond memories of the best friend days when they shared a room together. We decided they each had character issues that would benefit from sharing a room again so we put them back together. It will also help tremendously with our electric bill in the hot season. Difficulty is the room is small and there wasn't much to be done about the close quarters. How did we make it their room and not just Malia's without spending a bucket of money? We prayed and asked for wisdom and unexpectedly we found 2 loft beds (used) for a very good price a few days ago. I still questioned and wondered if this was a good plan but decided to go ahead and get them and we could always resale them if they did not work out. The interesting thing is that when we first moved back to CM I wanted to purchase this type of loft bed--no frills, basic Index type furniture--but could not find this basic model anywhere. We purchased HUGE ones that did not fit in the small bedrooms we have and ended up getting rid of them. Now---5 yrs later we end up with exactly what I wanted in the first place. Is this as case of not waiting on God? I'll try to post a picture when we get them set up. We will need to figure out how to make them semi-matching bed covers and what to do about the dark purplish curtains that Savy doesn't really like.

Trying to start a new ministry with some friends here focused on red light district girls. Wondering how God will continue to lead and direct us when the three of us have limited time to put into this and very little language. Pray for wisdom to know which steps to take and how to move forward. I'm also substitute teaching in health class this week. We will be talking about pregnancy and issues involved with this.

I have lost almost thirty pounds in the last 6 months. I intentionally dieted and now am faced with needed to change my diet on a permanent basis. There are some food in-tolerances I'm dealing with. I need wisdom and discipline to discern how to move forward from here and what foods to eliminate. I know that milk products give me a problem but now I'm wondering about bread. I don't think it's gluten because I seem to do ok with other foods that have gluten in them--it just seems to be the bread issue that I have the harder time with. I would like to lose more pounds but don't want to strictly diet again. After all, rounder middle aged women look younger, right? :>

My boys are growing and changing. I have one very much man/child. It is so much fun watching this process. The other little one still has a ways to go but I am so thankful that he is still boyish. I'm thinking he doesn't quite believe that his time will come. His feet are bigger than mine. I keep telling him he will be bigger than me. Both of them are enjoying sports and enjoying friends. Enjoying school? Now that would be another issue. The younger one said to me, "Mom, Asian parents actually like for their kids to do better in school than in sports." Ha. What have I communicated to this child? Hopefully, I have communicated to him that I LOVE who God has created him to be and I LOVE that he enjoys sports so much and I am OK with who he is academically. We've been discussing who makes the best grown ups--good sportsmen or good academia's and we've concluded there are wise men who are in both categories.