Fear

I have been working with my daughter specifically on some fear issues. I feel determined to teach my girls to push on through the fear and not let fear keep them from moving forward in an area. Just recently we read 2 Timothy 1:7
 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
 As we are memorizing this verse and walking forward, the Lord reminds me that some of my former fear issues tend to raise their ugly heads.

What do I fear?

*I fear working on this language but still not being able to communicate with those around me. (ie. Carry on basic conversations)

*I fear being alone and not having friends to hang with.

*I fear getting fat.

Ok, I said it. Right now, those are some of my biggest fears—yes, and I recognize that 2 of them are vainly selfish and related to me. (I won’t even go into the fears related to my children at this time)

Psalms 32:3 says, “When I kept things to myself I felt weak deep inside me.”

So, instead of not putting a name on it like I can tend to do when I am going about my busy days, I will put a name on it and confess it. I know this fear is not from the Lord, so I am going to confess it to him (and to you). If I am not careful, I can start to feel dread, hopeless feelings when I don’t put a label on my feelings.

Isaiah 41:9-10 New Living Translation (NLT) says

 I have called you back from the ends of the earth,
saying, ‘You are my servant.’
For I have chosen you and will not throw you away.
 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
 I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

So, now, I have a choice. Am I going to practice what I preach or am I going to give into fear?

What do you fear?

Pushing through the fear in His strength,
Jamie

God Be Merciful To Me

What a whirlwind of a few weeks! God has been faithful. He has been good. Started language back today and was reminded after just one day, how much language takes out of me. It makes me a little less willing to engage with my family, a little less likely to want to look for those contacts, missing PE shirts, etc. I’m making recordings that I store on my computer in ITunes and they play in a loop. After the last one played the next track to play was Jars of Clay, “Lord Be Merciful To Me,” and I thought it was very timely! I need his mercy to make it through my days esp. when I am in language study!

Here are the words:

God be merciful to me on Thy grace, I rest my plea
Plenteous in compassion Thou
Blot out my transgressions now

Wash me, make me pure within
Cleanse, oh, cleanse me from my sin

My transgressions I confess
Grief and guilt my soul oppress
I have sinned against Thy grace
And provoked Thee to Thy face

I confess Thy judgment just
Speechless, I, Thy mercy trust

I am evil born in sin
Thou desirest truth within
Thou alone my Savior art
Teach Thy wisdom to my heart

Make me pure, Thy grace bestow
Wash me whiter than the snow

Gracious God, my heart renew
Make my spirit right and true
Thy salvation's joy impart
Steadfast make my willing heart
Steadfast make my willing heart

Broken, humbled to the dust
By Thy wrath and judgment just
Let my contrite heart rejoice
And in gladness hear Thy voice

From my sins, oh, hide Thy face
Blot them out in boundless grace
Now, you might ask….”What sin are you confessing?” Well, since you asked…. :>

I’ve been reading in Numbers lately, about the Israelites complaining in the wilderness. (Why do I have to be in language study AGAIN?) I must confess that tends to be me! Nope, I don’t tend the have the optimistic outlook of Joshua and Caleb, but instead tend to see what are hard, needs to be changed or fixed about a situation. At one point in the story Moses says, “I wish the Lord would give his spirit to all of them,” and then I think: “I HAVE His spirit. There is another time in the story that the Lord says to Moses, “Do you think I am weak? Now you will see if I can do what I can say.”

Last wk, riding in the car K and I were having a conversation. I was trying to get him to understand the seriousness of this menopausal brain lag and confusion and I was complaining about not being able to remember things. K looked at me and said, “honey, I think this is going to be one of those times when you are going to have to rely on God and his faithfulness. His faithfulness to help you remember.”

Gracious God, my heart renew
Make my spirit right and true
Thy salvation's joy impart
Steadfast make my willing heart
Steadfast make my willing heart

Broken, humbled to the dust
By Thy wrath and judgment just
Let my contrite heart rejoice
And in gladness hear Thy voice

From my sins, oh, hide Thy face
Blot them out in boundless grace

God be merciful to me on Thy grace, I rest my plea
Plenteous in compassion Thou
Blot out my transgressions now